Coaching Students to Develop Proficient Thesis Statements

1. Consider replicating the in-service approach: model examples of proficient and deficient statements FOR THE PARTICULAR ASSIGNMENT.

2. Provide each student a copy of the Five Tests. Have students work in groups of three to apply the tests and to help each other word the statements as precisely as they can.  Or, ask students to make 3-5 copies of their tentative thesis statements.  Distribute in class among groups and ask groups to revise the various thesis statements so that each student receives 3-5 new versions of his/her own.

3. Use the questioning model when you conference with students. Ask or suggest:

a.   Do you need to narrow your topic?  How will you know if your topic is too broad?

• What do the words / phrases you have chosen promise a reader that your paper will include?  Use a highlighter to highlight key words/phrases.  Brainstorm all the subtopics that you would have to include if you left the words/phrases this broad.  Or, play the specifics game:

• Effects of conflict in the universe > planet earth > United States > Pennsylvania > Philadelphia > Flourtown > Cherry Lane > 23 Cherry Lane > between the siblings at 23 Cherry Lane > the effects on school achievement of the sibling conflict at 23 Cherry Lane.  How far can you narrow in order to satisfy the assignment?

b.   Make a list of possible subtopics that your current thesis suggests. Brainstorm others to include.  Are patterns emerging? How can you revise your thesis to include these other subtopics?

• Use umbrella words: effects, methods, strategies, etc.

• Try a graphic organizerógroup subtopics and come up with a ìnameî for the grouping.

• If your thesis does not suggest subtopics, trying adding to it: ìin four waysî or ìfor five reasonsî or whatever number covers the number of subtopics you need to cover.

c. Who is the audience for this paper?  What is the purpose of this paper?

• Would the audience for this paper say, "Duh!" to your thesis? What's new or different here?

• How can you change it to make it more assertive, more edgy, more provocative, more "original"?  If the purpose of the paper is to showcase your knowledge, how can you change it to indicate that you are, in fact, presenting existing knowledge?  What words can you add? ("With three notable exceptions, most experts agree that the cause of theÖ.wasÖ")

d.  Look at diction for precision:

•  Verbs

•  Terminology of discipline

•  Modifiers (These can narrow the nouns)

Developed by Carol H. Rohrbach (2002)

School District of Springfield Twp.

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